With new addition of baby #4 due to arrive in a couple of months, we are focusing on setting ourselves up for success and making the kids responsible for more of the household tasks. They’ve always been expected to help out, and they did have specific jobs they had to do everyday – unloading the dishwasher, feeding the dogs, tidying their toys, setting and clearing the table etc… But I was still doing the majority of it. There were definitely areas of house cleaning I was struggling to keep up with and clearly needed help doing but I just didn’t want to face the inevitable protest that usually comes with introducing a new chore. Though we have a ton of it, I actually really enjoy doing the laundry and the kids are usually fine with switching a load or helping to fold when asked. The area of daily cleaning I struggled with the most was the dreaded after dinner dishes. Making food from scratch and cooking for a family all day everyday usually means making a lot of dishes. After a long, often exhausting day with the kids, spending time cooking and then pivoting to bedtime routines, those dishes often felt like an insurmountable mountain that I just couldn’t bring myself to conquer. I’d rinse and organize them, and then load up the dishwasher as much as I could but the rest usually waited for the morning. This had me feeling like I was starting each day in a deficit. Not a great way to start the day. A couple of weeks ago it all changed. A magical day I’ll never forget… One of the biggest and best parenting milestones I’ve experienced thus far. We finally gave our kids the responsibility of cleaning the whole kitchen after dinner. After a few obligatory complaints, the three of them worked together and got the job done. It wasn’t perfect and it wasn’t exactly how I would have done it, but it was better than I had imagined for their first time… and they were proud!
Every evening, the 4 year old empties the dishwasher and the older two wash and dry the dishes, load the dishwasher, and wipe the surfaces. Voila. The kitchen is relatively clean without me having to help, and it’s honestly the best thing that’s ever happened to me. One night the kids were doing the dishes and Aaron and I were relaxing, playing old school Nintendo. Is this real life?! As Mario and Luigi were levelling up, it dawned on me that we’ve just levelled up our parenting game. Maybe even warped to another world. Bye bye after dinner dishes, my nemesis… I won’t miss you at all.
Kids are more capable than we give them credit for and though they may resist, the benefits of doing chores is worth the complaints. “So, what are some of the benefits of chores aside from getting other people in the household to carry some of the load? Participation in chores contributes to: increased independence while also learning the value of teamwork, a sense of responsibility, learning the value of hard work, being self-disciplined, being better prepared for challenges and difficult life experiences, being accountable, being better with delayed gratification, being trustworthy, learning time management, being less self-centered, being more empathetic and cooperative.” – Jan Cheek, MSW, LCSW
Most of us had chores growing up, but kids are so busy these days with school, homework, and many different extra curricular activities. A large percentage of parents are opting out of including children in household cleaning and maintenance duties. Their intentions are good, but this approach will likely cause harm in the long run. Kids need chores and responsibilities at home. It’s essential for them to be productive members of their communities and helps to set themselves up for success when running their own homes as adults.
I think most people can agree that chores are important, but how do you start? I suggest meeting the child where they’re at and start small. Start with one new habit and slowly layer in new responsibilities over time. Just remember, consistency will be the key to success here. Chores don’t have to be isolating, finding things the family or siblings can do together to accomplish a shared goal can be great for relationship building. Most children like to have visuals to help them. A checklist might help some kids want to accomplish tasks. We bought these years ago and the kids find them to be helpful. They are large magnetic chore charts that go on the fridge. They are customizable and easy to change with the seasons. Lots of different styles to choose from on Amazon, find this one by clicking here.
I also bought this menu planner at the same time, years ago and I love it! Find it by clicking here.
Seeing how capable the kids are and how much better it is when the family works together to keep the household running has us thinking about the next steps. Our oldest enjoys baking and is very capable in the kitchen. We plan on having her and her little sibling kitchen helpers start being responsible for planning, prepping, and serving one dinner a week. This will be a big change for me as I am currently the sole meal provider in the family. Although they all enjoy helping me make dinner from time to time, having one day a week without that responsibility on my shoulders will give me a chance to focus on other things, especially when the needy little newborn makes his arrival… in 3 months!
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Great post Megan. Keep up the good work.